I clearly remember a moment during my Post Graduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology training in 2013. Our instructor asked us to take Karl Perera’s self-esteem test. When I got my results, I was shocked – my score was extremely low, showing that I had poor self-esteem. One statement stood out to me: “I don’t need the approval of others to feel good about myself.”
This really hit me because, until then, I had been doing the opposite. I was constantly looking for happiness through how others saw me and what they thought of me. I would go out of my way to flatter people, act in ways I thought would make them like me, and worry about their opinions. As a result, I felt insecure, lacked confidence, and kept searching for validation from others.
Over time, I learned that real happiness comes from within. I realized that I didn’t need approval from others to feel good about myself. I also discovered that many of us hold back because we fear judgment. We try to create a version of ourselves that we think others will love, but in doing so, we lose sight of who we really are. We become disconnected from our authentic selves.
One key lesson I learned is that whether people like or approve of us is more about their internal world than ours. The same goes for when they dislike or disapprove of us. It’s not personal – it’s a reflection of their own experiences and perspectives.
Growing up, I was often reminded of what others thought of me – a form of social conditioning. My mother used to say that I could only succeed if I pleased people and earned their favor. So, I became a people pleaser. I sought approval by trying to appear likable, hoping people would support me. This pattern followed me into adulthood.
As I grew older, I realized that happiness isn’t something you find in others. It’s something you create within yourself. There are people we don’t like, and that’s perfectly fine. In the same way, it’s okay if some people don’t like us. That’s just how life works. When we constantly seek validation from others, we give away our power. As one scholar I admire once said, “There’s no one on this earth who is universally liked – not a single person. Life is like a weighing scale; it needs balance between being liked and disliked.”
Accepting that not everyone will like you is not only freeing – it’s essential. It helps you live in alignment with your true self and become the person you truly want to be.