Pradip Parajuli

Psychological Counselor/Life Coach Practitioner

Imagine being a child, sitting alone in a room with a delicious marshmallow right in front of you. A researcher tells you, “You can eat this marshmallow right now, but if you wait for 15 minutes without eating it, you’ll get a second one.” Then, they leave the room, and it’s just you and that tempting treat. What would you do?

This scenario might sound simple, but it’s at the heart of one of psychology’s most famous studies from the 1960s—known as The Marshmallow Experiment. Walter Mischel and his team wanted to see if kids could resist the immediate pleasure of eating one marshmallow in exchange for a bigger reward. About a third of the kids managed to hold out, and when researchers followed up with them years later, those who had waited seemed to be doing better in life. They had higher academic achievements, better health, and even stronger social relationships.

This finding led many to believe that self-control was the key to success. If you could resist the marshmallow, you were set for a bright future. But before we jump to conclusions, let’s fast forward a few decades—because the story doesn’t end there.

A New Twist on the Marshmallow Challenge

In 2013, researchers decided to revisit the experiment with a twist. This time, some of the kids were told that if they waited, they’d get the second marshmallow—but when the researcher came back, there wasn’t any extra treat. Essentially, the kids had been tricked.

What happened next was fascinating. In later experiments, those children who had been deceived weren’t so willing to wait anymore. They learned not to trust that waiting would pay off, so they chose the sure thing—one marshmallow now rather than none later. This version of the experiment revealed something important: kids’ choices didn’t just depend on their willpower. It depended on whether they trusted that the adults around them would follow through on their promises.

It’s Not Just About Patience—It’s About Trust

This new insight turned the original interpretation of the Marshmallow Experiment on its head. The kids who waited weren’t just patient—they likely had experiences that taught them it was safe to trust and wait for better outcomes. For children who come from more stable families or supportive environments, trusting that a promised reward will come is easier. But for kids who might have grown up in less reliable settings, seizing the marshmallow in front of them is often the wiser choice.

A follow-up study in 2018, involving a larger and more diverse group of kids, reinforced this. It showed that a child’s ability to delay gratification wasn’t just a matter of self-control; it was tied to their family background and environment. Children from wealthier or more stable homes tended to wait, while those from more challenging circumstances were less likely to. The lesson? A child’s success isn’t just about their ability to wait—it’s about the world they’ve learned to navigate.

The Real Takeaway

The Marshmallow Experiment still has a lot to teach us about patience and temptation. But it also teaches us something more profound about trust, environment, and how our experiences shape the way we see the world. It reminds us that success isn’t just about gritting our teeth and holding out for a bigger reward; it’s also about the support and stability we have behind us.

So, the next time you hear someone say that a child’s future is decided by whether they can wait for a marshmallow, remember that the story is a little more complicated—and a lot more human.

Pradip Parajuli

I am Pradip Parajuli. I have been in helping profession since 13 years. To tell the truth, I am a new Life Coach practitioner. Yet prior to becoming a Life Coach, I spent 5 years working as a Counselor; and before that I used to work as a Social Worker and Program Manager in a reputed International Non-governmental Organization. I am practicing Counseling as well as Life Coaching. From the get-go, I loved life coaching. As I kept going and trained in Counseling, Hypnotherapy, NLP, Life Coaching (Beginner to Advanced), my belief that I had found my niche in life was cemented. That niche is to help people get unstuck and find more purpose and enjoyment in their lives.
I genuinely do understand when clients say they’re looking for a change, but don’t know what it is yet or how to achieve it. Because I have been there, done that and thankfully was lucky enough to walk away to now be doing a job where I never have to think “Thank God it’s Friday (TGIF).”

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